no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize