I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He did a backflip because drugs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
