It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
