My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
