Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
