Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
