Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
