I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
