Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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