I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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