Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
