My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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