you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
