did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
