And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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