I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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