Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
