I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
