nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm at about main and main street
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
