After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
