Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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