i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
