youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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