why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
