Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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