some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
