im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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