There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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