who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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