apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
