At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
