He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
