remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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