So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
