need another drink. this is the easiest way
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
