im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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