The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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