this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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