If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
