The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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