You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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