I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
