there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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