i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up under a house in Key West
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
