How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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