he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
