I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
