I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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