So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
