the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
