I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
