Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
