Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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