I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I touched a dick in church today
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