You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
