my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
