I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
