How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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