also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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