i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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