I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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