I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My balls are so social today.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
